My biggest mistake...

As I'm sitting here feeling completely down and depressed, I realize my biggest mistake was taking those stupid "happy pills". They didn't make me "happy" in the end. I have gained back every single pound I worked so hard at losing. I'm totally depressed right now and can't seem to get out of it. I think I should probably go back on those meds, but for what??? To gain another 50 lbs? It's terrible... I worked for 3 years to get to a healthy weight, now I have to work hard for it all over again. And the road seems long! VERY hard... I don't know if I can do it. It's too hot here to even want to think about working out... and to get in a swimsuit right now... WHATVER!!! I just want my "thinny" body back. I will take the impatience with children again... b/c they all head out the door for school again... yes, all of them. My baby goes to Kindergarten this year. So I think having that break from being a mom for a short time every day will be a help. Please "perfect moms" out there, don't judge me for the joy I feel of sending my kids back to school, my kids love school so it isn't hard on me, plus I like the break... they will be back everyday soon enough.

I just have to get back into the swing of things again. Maybe when school starts. But for now I will just not eat too much... yes, that is my goal... when school starts, I will figure other things out.

Food Journal 7-21-10

Target POINTS 28... hit 27


Breakfast @ 930am
1/2 packet of blueberry instant oatmeal... gagged down (1)
nectarine (1)


Lunch @ noon
1/2 roast beef sandwich (3)
1 oz. baked chips (2)
grapes (1)
1/2 c. cottage cheese (2)


Snack @ 230pm
strawberries (1)
banana (1)


Snack @ 430pm
rice krispie treat (2)


Dinner @ 6pm
3/4 c. rice (3)
spray butter (0)
romaine & spinach salad (0)
2 T. caesar dressing (3)
3 oz. chicken (2)


Snack @ 930pm
lg fro yo... pb, pb cup, graham cracker flavors... YUM!!! (5)


Not bad for the first day back on track!
Will post again tomorrow.

Making myself happy...

That's what I said I was going to do this week. We just got back from another trip to DISNEYLAND* late Monday evening. I ate too much junk while I was there and I could totally feel it (and the scale totally felt it as well, poor thing). But that's ok... it's a journey! So yesterday, even though I didn't "count POINTS" I did focus on not eating too much and just drinking water. No "LiQuiD SaNitY" for me! And then today I counted POINTS and just water again! YEA ME!!! Although I have a killer "caffeine withdrawl" headache, but that's ok... it will be gone in the next few days.


So, if you couldn't guess, the thing I'm doing to make me happy is to take care of myself mentally and physically. I have been neglecting the physical for the past year and the mental... well I've been using a crutch. But now it is time to go head on and work everything out w/out the use of meds that make it hard to lose weight and without the stress of hard school classes. I signed up for a sewing class and in October I'm taking a medical terminology class online. I also just started working more regularly at scrapbook.com warehouse again. I love it there. The people are nice that I work with and the scheduling is fairly flexible. So when school starts I plan on working whenever they need me. It would be nice to have some extra cash flowing in! So... I'm super tired and want to go to bed, so that is what I'm doing. Just wanted to post about my life a bit. I'm going to post here more often now with my ups and downs and anything I feel that is important to share! I'm hoping this will help me stay on track!

No one has died...

...and that is a good thing

b/c i went off my "happy pills"

about a month and a half ago!

physically I feel better...

i haven't gained any weight

which is awesome...

b/c i was steadily gaining since starting them

& i haven't changed anything w/ diet-exercise.

NICE!!!

i poop better...

no more [constipation] for these intestines!

emotionally... i'm ok-ish

it is something i have to be conscious of.

not extremely cool,

but i was tired...

of what my meds were doing to me...

that is physically.

it was hard to be happy

in an overweight body!

I still am patient w/ my kiddos

but, i have to be more aware.

i'm heading to the

{{happiest place on earth}}

soon...

and when i return...

i will do something

that will make me happy!

you just wait and see!

so until then...

when i post about what is going on...

here's a quote to think about!

"the successful person has the habit

of doing the things failures don't like to do.

they don't like doing them either necessarily.

but their disliking is subordinated to

the strength of their purpose."

hope it gives you something to think about...

caz i'm thinking too much!