Weekly goals...

So last week my goal was to give up my "LiQuiD SaNiTy!!!" And I have been successfully off it for 9 whole days (once i shut my eyes tonight it will be 10!!!). I'm so proud of myself. I almost caved on Saturday, my my BFFF talked me out of it... she told me I didn't really need it... and she was right! I'm still here and ALIVE!!! (And so are others around me, so I must be OK!)

I decided I hate dieting, right? So I have a plan... one that started last week with giving up my DP. I'm choosing one new "healthy habit" every week to incorporate in my life. So this week it's exercise. For the past 2 days I have gotten up, got the kids to school and then I pop in my DVD and workout. I got a "Walk Away the Pounds" DVD for Christmas and I have never opened it... until Monday. And I LOVE IT!!! It is super fun! I look forward to working out now. So here's to my goal of the week.

How about any of you?

What do you do to "live a healthy lifestyle" without dieting?

Confessions...

- it's been forever since i posted
- things are not going well in the weight loss area
- i have put back on 30 lbs
- i have been completely addicted to "liquid sanity" (aka dr pepper) for too long
- but i have not had a "liquid sanity" in 4 days now (what a record!)
- i have been on "happy pills" for 6 months now and cannot give them up
- i guess "happy pills" are one of my addictions
- i'm stuggling losing weight and wonder if it has anything to do with my meds...
- i want to get back in my clothes... seriously 10-15 lbs would do it for me!
- i want to be happy and thin... but it feels like i'm going to have to choose b/w fluffy and happy or thin and miserable!
- i can put on a great face in front of others
- i love to have my hair and make-up done when going out... i feel so much prettier!
- i hate cleaning... but love a clean house
- i hate homework... but love good grades
- i hate dieting... but love being thin
- i love yummy foods... but hate being fluffy
- i love to bake... especially cakes and cookies
- i love to eat what i bake... and cakes and cookies are not good for my figure!!!
- i love food...
- i love to play...
- i love card games...
- i love catan...
- i hate repeating myself...
- i don't like plain water...
- i flavor water with sugar free flavors...
- i love microbiology... germs are interesting
- i don't enjoy a lot of the things i use to enjoy... blogging, scrapbooking... so sad
- i wish there were more hours in the day, just so i could get more sleep
- i hate the mornings
- i'm a night owl
- i love disneyland... and am going there soon
- i wish that certain things would come easy to me
- i love gno!!!
- i love pedicures... cute toes are always fun!
- i hate online school
- i love to go to class and learn... makes my brain function, in a different way
- i love hospitals
- i hate the gym/working out... but i feel so much better when i do exercise!
- i wish i was naturally skinny... but then i would have another flaw i would hate...
- i really am happy with who i am... but then i start thinking about what the world thinks
- i should really stop thinking about the stupid world and just be happy!
- i think i am a fun person to be around
- i'm finding this very healing!
- i think i need to do this more often when i get down on myself
- i'm karalyn melser... and i love me!!!

Wow... It's been 2 months!!!

OK... so I haven't blogged on here for awhile... and that means I have done nothing for weight loss in that time as well. I have been struggling with my journey. I think the meds I'm on play a role in that. But I'm happy and patient finally. And I'm OK with who I am! I am KaraLyn Melser... a fun-loving girl! (And I have a pretty good brain too!) No I'm not trying to brag, I'm learning we all have strengths in our lives and I'm learning what my strengths are. I may not be able to be super thin, but I have other strengths that make me who I am.

So I started another blog! But this one is private and only open to actively participating members. It's called "GOALden Girls". It's set up specifically for the support we need to achieve the goals we set forth for ourselves. We are there as a support group for each other... without having to find the right day and time to meet up. This way wherever you are, you can join in. When you join you will become an author and you can post your weekly goal and give support to other girls who are in need of support. This group is not just about weight loss though. It is about everything in life that makes us feel good about ourselves. It's about setting goals to become a better person... whether it be weight loss, spiritual, household, organizing life... you get the idea. If this is a group you were looking at joining, leave me a comment with your e-mail address and I will invite you to be an author.

Oh- and one last thought... this is a girls only blog... sorry boys!!!

Our Own Biggest Loser!!!

Fawn and I want to start a Biggest Loser competition, and since The Biggest Loser starts next Tuesday, Sept 15, we thought we would use that day as our first weigh in. Every Tuesday evening, we will get together at Fawns house, and watch Biggest Loser (minus commercials. thank you DVR!) and have our own weigh in. If anyone is interested, let me know. We are talking about some sort of incentive, but haven't settled on anything yet. Also, if you are just a fan of the show and want to come and watch with us, but not participate, you are more than invited! Anyway, it should be fun!!

I shouldn't have drank DP...

So I'm still awake (yes it's almost 2am and I have to be up at 630 to get kids ready for school)... but I was thinking a DP sounded good tonight, so I had one (or 3 or 4) and now I'm paying the price!

Oh well... it gives me the opportunity to tell you all what I've been thinking over in my head.

I have been thinking about starting up a group that is not just about weight loss, but about learning to love ourselves in spite of ourselves and focusing on things that can make us beautiful inside and outside and things that will help us become stronger, happier, more confident women.

If you want to join in on the fun (it won't all be weight loss related, but it will be a focus), let me know. I'm thinking about Wednesday mornings (around say 10am-ish) at my house (for now). We can meet for about an hour and let the kiddos play and talk about a different subject each week.

I think it could be lots of fun to just get together and motivate one another. If you want to join in, leave me your e-mail address (or e-mail me at melserfam@gmail.com). This is open to whoever... so if you have a friend/sister/acquaintance who wants to be a part, feel free to invite whoever. So tell me what you think and hopefully we'll get this going next week (Sept 2nd).

OK... I oughta head to bed and see if my mind will go to sleep...

Sweet dreams everybody!!!

In my own black hole...

I have had a very hard time lately doing the things I know I need to do to lose the rest of my weight (and a few more pounds I've put back on this past year). Let me tell you all something about me. I suffer from depression (quite severely if you ask me) and I have been battling it for the past year or so as it has gotten worse. I have had no ambition to do things I need to do, no desire to hang out with friends/family, not even sure that I wanted to be a wife/mom anymore. I have been struggling A LOT with this whole issue. But just as I was at the end of my rope, I was talking with Chuck and I told him I was thinking about going back on "happy pills" (as I call them). I didn't feel like I was functioning... as a wife, as a mom, as a Young Women's leader, as a friend, as a student, as a human... I was struggling (to say the least). Well, I set up my yearly physical in July and told myself I would ask about getting back on meds. My doctor didn't even question me... he just wrote the script and handed it to me. I was put on meds back after Miss Maddy was born (well... she was 9 months old) and they worked well for me, so he put me back on the same ones and I was out the door heading to the pharmacy. I started taking them that day and within a week I was a more patient mom and I was actually enjoying my kids (something I haven't done in a VERY long time). When they were being wild and crazy, I could handle it. WOW... why didn't I do this earlier? Who knows, but let me tell you I'm glad I did get back on my meds. As I thought about the fact that I felt like I admitted defeat, I realized that if I would've given up on everything around me, that is when I would've admitted defeat. With the meds, I was getting my life back, admitting to succeeding with this "trial/challenge" in my life.

Now I have patience with my cute kiddos, but that's about all I have noticed with taking these meds. I'm grateful for that, because my kids deserve a mom who is patient with them. But I'm still having a hard time getting over the wanting to be around people (OK... choosing to be around people, once I'm there I'm good, but it's the anticipation that I don't like) and having the desire to do the things I know I should (like clean my house, go work out, eat right, get my fingerprints ;)...). I hope that my desire will come soon to want to do those things. I feel trapped, I know what I should do, but I have no desire to do them. I start school again tomorrow. I'm looking forward to that. I'm hoping that getting out the house and putting my brain to work again will be good. And I know that it gives me more structure in my everyday life, so hopefully with going to school again I can get myself into a routine.

As I'm sitting here typing I can't help but think about how weight plays such a role in how we feel about ourselves. If I'm thinner I feel so much better about who I am. I'm more confident and I feel like I portray that. But as I have gained back 10 lbs, I feel frumpy, ugly and not worth anything. I hate to feel that way, but it's how my brain is programmed. When I was a child I was called a "tub" by someone close to me and I remember that to this day. When I was a teen-ager I experimented with the whole "starving myself to get skinny" thing. It worked to lose some weight, but of course when you start eating again, the weight just comes back on. Then as I got older, it was a control issue. When I was in college, I didn't feel like I had control over anything, so back to starving myself it was. I would weigh myself everyday and be mad if I didn't lose any weight that day. I got down to my lowest weight ever. But then a very dear friend of mine came into town from school and saw me... knew exactly what I was doing and got me out of the "trouble" I was in. Now as I look at my life, I'm the exact opposite as I was back when I was younger. I LOVE FOOD!!! I LOVE DR PEPPER!!! I eat when I'm happy, I eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm sad, I eat when I'm depressed, I eat because someone else is eating... you get the idea. I have lost weight and fairly successfully kept it off, but I find myself getting into the old habits that made me fat (or is it fluffy... that sounds sweeter). I don't want that.

So with a new resolve and hopefully a network of support around me, I'm going to try and lose my last 20 lbs that I would like to lose and work on being a better maintainer.

My goals:

Journal my food daily

Workout at the gym M-W-F

Do my abs daily

Do my arms M-W-F

Drink 100 oz of hydrating fluids a day

And drink Dr Pepper sparingly (once a week TOPS)

Anybody care to join me?

Anybody want to be my support?

Can I help support any of you?

Please feel free to comment and if you would like support/start a group/a blog/whatever let's do it! I know these kinds of things work better with that network of friends/people focused on the same thing.

I know I just spilled my guts out all over the place, but I have been meaning to post for awhile, but never got the desire to do it!

So now you all know...

My name is KaraLyn

and I struggle with depression!

OK... Let's try this again!

So... I've been back on program for 4 days straight... YEA ME!!! I always have a hard time getting going, but I think I'm officially back. I even went to Red Robin last night and wasn't even tempted by the fries (I'm thinking that's a sin to not eat fries at RR!!!) I was only there for the end, but I was offered some... and turned them down! Then they had fondue going on at the house we went to and I didn't eat a bite! YIKES!!! I must really want this!
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The reason I want this??? Chuck and I were called to be a "Ma & Pa" for our stake trek this October and I want to finish losing my weight and get into better shape so they don't have to bury their Ma on the way! So... I have journaled these past 4 days, staying w/in my POINTS for the day and drank 80-100 ozs of water each day. And today we had "Trek Bootcamp" and I got my butt kicked! I know I'm gonna feel it in my legs tomorrow! They feel like lead/jello-y weights right now (IYKWIM). My arms and abs I work out off and on, so they won't be as sore, but we did lunges and stadium stairs... the things I'm not use to doing! I can handle walking laps and stuff, but those stairs were a killer (especially after doing the circuits of strength training and fast-paced walking). But I'm good.

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I'm really determined to do this because I want to feel good... oh- and look HOT! So here's to this adventure. School resumes in 7 1/2 weeks (for me) and I want to be down at least 10 lbs by then... so with faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust... I'M OFF!!!

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And I can't believe I'm posting this... but I NEVER WANT TO BE FAT AGAIN!!!

EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!! GROSS!!!

But my kids are sure cute!

This was taken Christmas of 2005... just before I started losing weight!